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The question of what was it about you that gave the impression that you’d tolerate something can keep you awake at night.An ex colleague actually told me that he didn’t talk to me about career opportunities (that didn’t exist anyway and were a ruse to get ‘dates’) because I wasn’t “agreeable” enough.We overestimate our capacity for a relationship, we overestimate our interest and yes, sometimes we overestimate our readiness to date and how over our ex we are and yes, we exaggerate.Let’s be real – some people just talk out of their bottoms.He quotes Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv (cited in Avnei Yashfeih 1:9) as equating hearing a blessing on a telephone or radio as similar to receiving a telegram informing you that a blessing will be recited at a specific time.Jachter quotes Rav Moshe Sternbuch (Teshuvos Ve-Hanhagos 5) as ruling similarly.That was my ‘tell’ which prevented him from chatting all the BS to me that he had to so many other women in our office.
We communicate messages about ourselves not just in what we say and do but also in what’s left unsaid and undone.
Like Chris Rock said, when we first start dating someone, it’s not the real us that we’re sending out but our “representatives”.
I’ve said this many times and I’ll say it again; people unfold.
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I am very open minded, so please ask if there is something you want, the worst thing I can do is say is no.